Swami, life won't ever be the same without You...

नैनं छिन्दन्ति शस्त्राणि नैनं दहति पावकः।

न चैनं क्लेदयन्त्यापो न शोषयति मारुतः।। - (श्रीमद्भगवद्गीता- II-23)

(Neither weapons injure me, nor fire burns me. And neither can water make me wet, nor can air dry me- Gita- II-23)

Paramaraadhya Hridayeshwara Bhagavan Swami Shri Sathya Sai Baba,

Never before in life had I gone public about how from being a Wanderer I became a Surrenderer (sharanagata)  of Yours. As the saying goes,"You seldom realize the value of something, until you lose it". This is the first time in life, now when You are no more (physically), I am going the share my experiences with You, in front of one and all.

This mere foolish mortal (moodhamati) first had your darshan and padanamaskar when she was hardly 4 or 5 years old in Whitefield Ashram, Bangalore. Father pushed me from behind to get to the first row, and I very well remember how You stopped for about half a minute when my small palms touched Your feet and then placed my head on them after that. I was too small to remember how I felt that time...O Swami, how blessed I am to have You in life!

Miracles after miracles kept on happening with me and my family, time and again..till the time the hardcore atheist in me actually realised that You are God Himself on earth. I remember the endless series of miracles that kept on happening with me when I was new to Mumbai, a girl struggling all alone for stay. I remember the day when you saved me from collapsing in Delhi's chilly winter when I was all alone. I remember the day when I was hungry crying for food, and how you fed me. I remember the day when my mother had got a serious fracture and I rushed to pray to you to take care of her in my absence. I remember sweeping and wiping clean the floors of the Sai Kulwant Hall, standing under the burning hot sun, just to have one faint glimpse of you as many other millions...Whenever You looked at me during the Darshans, I went into a trance...You magnetized me always! And miracles did you in my life never ended...

One part of me says- He is God, not any other human being, so don't grieve at all. His spirit remains alive. He shall always continue to show the Light to you. Forget not, that He Himself used to sing, "Love is My Form, truth is my breath, bliss is my food...No reasons for love, no seasons for love..No birth, no death." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7pFUe8yaOE&feature=related). 

And the other part cries out- "Words fail...heart is choked. You were my everything, my mother, my father, my guru, family, friend everything...Now that I have lost you, whom should I go to, when I am all alone? I feel orphaned and devastated. You shall always be the most integral part of my life, till my last breath."

I'm unable to have Your Darshan for the last time, since my University exams are going on. It is utterly painful, but I can feel Your spirit every moment inside and around me.

Beloved Swami, life won't ever be the same without You...

Koti Koti Pranams at Your Lotus Feet,

- A Surrenderer.